“Growing up without a father could permanently alter the structure of the brain.
— Ben Spencer, The Daily Mail”
A sad reality for children that grew up fatherless. Based on the research, growing up without a father have many psychological effects. Effects like suicidal tendencies, drug addiction, low self-esteem, school drop-outs or low educational attainment and behavioral problems like depression and anger. I, myself, can attest to this. It was the most depressing part of my life. I want to be clear on this matter first. I do have a father but I didn’t grow up having him beside me, so it makes sense to consider myself fatherless in a general perspective.
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People who knew me knows that I came from a broken family. I wouldn’t divulge on this matter more further. It was really hard growing up without your parent, especially your father. As a boy, a father figure is very important as it was supposed to be who you will look up to when you grow up. But unfortunately, it didn’t turn out that way. I was totally depressed and I kept it to myself. From depression it became a hatred. A hatred that I carried in my heart for almost my entire life. At first I thought, I should understand him because that is how it’s supposed to be? But no! We became so distant. So distant that I never knew him. The sad part was, he didn’t even try reaching out to me.
As I grew up in High School it was the most devastating part. I became suicidal. I cursed him so many times. My hatred was intensified. Adding the peer pressures and emotional torment. Of course, my friends, classmates and relatives thought I was okey. I was never okey! I am broken! Yes, my grandmother raised me well, but that isn’t enough. It was never enough! I was a kind and obedient boy because I was fragile, and I can’t do anything but to obey them.
If there’s one thing that I am thankful for is knowing God since I was young. I feared him that I am afraid to commit suicide even though I have that kind of mentality. He is one of the important reasons why I am still sane up until now. I have a choice. I can kill myself or use drugs. But I chose not to. And, it was also my sister’s advice that I will never forget.
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I became a father at the age of 22, it was until then that I learned one of the most valuable lessons in life and it really hit me hard. It was also the time that I learned and started to forgive my dad. It was tough and needs a lot of courage. But I realized that if I don’t forgive him, how will I become a great father to my daughter? No one will do it, it was an initiative that I must do. Not just for my daughter but most especially for me. I need it. I need to forgive him so I can move on from my bitter past.
OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” –John 3:16
Those were painful childhood memories, yes! It was part of me, that’s a fact. But you know what the good news is? I have overcome it, thanks be to God. Now that I have grown in faith, I realized that, that was just a grain of pain and sufferings compared to what God has done on the cross for myself, for ourselves. He is the perfect image of a father… faithful, generous, compassionate and loving. In fact, he offered his one and only begotten son to save us from our sins. He bore our infirmities and pains on the calvary. He is the father who will never leave us nor forsake us. He is the father who provides ALL our needs. And he is the father who loves us more than our earthly fathers and watches us 24/7.
Through God’s grace, I have forgiven my real father. Honestly, I cannot do it alone, I was on verge of hatred back then but God picked me up from there. The scar that my father did was permanent, so I thought. But No, if you completely gave your life to God he will do great and amazing things. As white as a snow, that permanent effect you once thought will just fade, together with all that painful memories. To God be the Glory!